Lost in Translation.

I so sick of how out of touch I am at the moment.
I remember a time when I would actually feel emotion, actually feel upset, or happy or super excited. But over the past couple of months my mood has just been, none existant pretty much. I'm just feel so indifferent about everything. I feel like i'm going fucking insane.

I remember, I used to sit and watch a film, Garden State, Science of Sleep, Lost in Translation etc, and actually go up and down following it, and really getting into it feeling comfortable. But im so fucking indifferent at the moment, I don't have the patience to even put the DVD in. It just seems like a waste of time. I feel like i'm loosing my humanity as stupid and over exagerated as that sounds. I just can't change how I feel, my moods have gotten to a superficial level where my mind is trying to make everything down to earth and logical, I can't take anything to heart and get into anything. All my music that I used to listen to to change my mood, has no effect.

I felt like I needed to get back into the way my moods used to work, I woke up at 4am to sit and watch the sun come up, then after my parents left I took all my duvets down stairs and sat to watch a movie with a cup of tea. The whole time, the back of my mind was screaming "WTF are you doing!? you're wasting time!"

I don't know whats happening to me. My sentimentality is slipping away, I never even noticed when it started. It stresses me out to the point that I just want to shout fuck it and start throwing things, which I would never do in the past but lately it could have happened on many occasions.

I don't know, i'm forgeting who i am, or who I want to be. I feel fucking schizophrenic at times.

I hope everything will sort itself out....