you know,

if you stay up late,

you're just going to make it

harder for yourself,

maybe,

but i like it that way.

i like the numbness that comes with being

exhausted, the oblivion, and the quiet chaos

that exists only in my own head.

everybody elses problems are suddenly

the farthest from my own, because i have things

to deal with too.

if i'm tired i have a qualified excuse

to keep to myself at home, to evade

constant problems that dont concern

me anyway.

sometimes i don't even need to try

to block things out,

the exhaustion does it for me;

and i like that.

i've been giving up on people too easily.

if they don't call,

if they don't try

then i don't.

it's not fair to lay the blame on them

when i'm not calling either.

i'm just as much at fault.

i've got a lot of resentment for old friends

for letting me go without a fight.

I just want someone to call and say

"i miss you, how are you?".

I just want to call someone and say

"I miss you, i'm sorry".

I want to be brave enough to stay in one place.