Don't.

I feel so cripplingly lonely in life at the moment, i'm not sure how much longer I can go on kidding myself that I actually still have friends. I feel myself breaking and there's literally fuck all I can do about it. I can't talk to anyone about anything, people around me are nothing more than acquaintances, two dimensional background characters.

I need someone to spend time with, I need someone I can confide my worries in. I need someone to hug, someone to make me feel human. I'm so fucking detached from everyone around me and they'll never know how much it's killing me. I need my best friend by my side.

Although this seems like another 'emo' ramble, I genuinely feel like I can't cope with this anymore, this mediocre, day to day style of life i've found myself in. I get wrapped up in my own little world with my own little mediocre interests that don't benefit me in anyway and I have no one to share it with, no matter how pointless it is, it'd still be nice to share it with someone.

This isn't an "i'm fed up of being single" rant. This is an "i'm sick of going without any form of human contact for days at a time" rant. I can't seem to reach out to anyone. I just want someone to come into my life who I can be myself around, not this fake, laugh at all your jokes Nicholas Claxton that is a complete cunt.

Sometimes I think i'd feel better if I were diagnosed with some sort of illness that prevents me from making human contact, then it'd give me some indication that it's not my fault. That I can take this crushing blame off of myself and place it on this, 'thing' stopping me. but that's not going to happen. There's nothing wrong with me, i'm just the kind of person that isn't supposed to be surrounded by friends. I fucking hate that i'm not that person. Everyday I see people laughing and joking surrounded by people and I can't deal with it. It's not through lack of trying that I don't have friends, i've tried. I've tried inviting people from college to go out so I can get to know them on a personal basis. But every time my plans have been shot down. I need someone who will make the effort to involve me.

I want someone to magically appear, and make everything better. I want to be able to be myself and not worry about what people think. I don't want to have to worry about beliefs, genders, sexual orientations, money, travel or what other people think.

I just need a friend.

I'm sorry anyone that reads this but I had to vent, and being the complete social retard I am I couldn't do it to anyones face. There's only one person I could really say all this to and i'm sure she wouldn't want to hear it.

Once again. Sorry.