Family Matters... really?

I haven't posted a serious blog in a while and i've had a lot on my mind for the past few weeks.

Okay, so my family is one of those families that taken so many hits that we got really spread out and have pretty much nothing to do with each other. I'm gonna list out my family tree pretty much so here goes. Well it's not a tree, more like family maths.

Mum's Side:

Grandad (John) + Dorothy (Grandad's wife) + My Grama (Kath [rip]).

Mum (Elaine) + Dad (Colin) = Me (Nick) + Brother (Alastair).

Mum + Dad = Divorce.

Mum = Me + Brother.

Mum + Step Dad (Malcolm)

Mum + Step Dad = Divorce

Mum + Fiancee (Tony) = Step Brother (Jamie) + Step Sister (Shelby) + Step Sister (Jordan).

Aunty (Wendy) + Uncle (Jim) = Cousin (Adam) + Cousin (Nicola)

Cousin (Nicola) + Boyfriend (?) = Cousin (Amy)

Dad's side:

Grandad (John) + Nan (Mary).

Dad + New wife (Louise) = Half brother (Sam) + Half Sister (Hannah).

Dad + New wife = Divorce.

Aunty (Sharon) + Uncle (Andy) = Cousin (Leanne) + Cousin (Molly)

Aunty (Angela) + Uncle (Ray) = Cousin (Ted) + Cousin (Jennifer)

I'm not close to any of these people, I hardly know anything about them. I'm not saying i'm all that interested in finding out. When I was younger I used to think I was adopted simply because i'm nothing like anyone in my family. None of our personalities match. The only thing that reminds me I actually came from this family is my similarity in appearance to my Dad, Mum and my Cousins Nicola and Adam.

I'm not sure why family is such a weird subject for me. I guess it's cause so much has happened to us through the years that we've just been broken off. I've been through 3 divorces, i'm the middle child of 7. I never knew my real grama on my mum's side. I live miles away from any of my family and have no means of reaching them.

Because my mum and dad got divorced when I was so young I wasn't able to grow up surrounded by cousin's like most people. My cousin's on my mum's side were already teenagers when I was born and I never see my cousins on my dad's side because they're all so much younger than me.

My step brother and step sisters are completely different to me and frankly I don't care enough to get to know them.

My mum and her new fiancee Tony are to be married. But because i've already been through 3 divorces involving my parents, my view on marriage has been completely skewed. I don't want to connect with Tony or his children simply because I don't want to be hurt if it were to all fall apart.

I've been thinking a lot about my family and whether i will actually keep contact with them once I move away. Part of me wants to cut them all off completely, start a new life, make new relationships. Find my own family of sorts.

I'm hoping that some time in the VERY near future I will be able to fund leaving home. Although job hunting isn't looking very fruitful, i'm keeping my hopes up. I need to get out of Nottinghamshire.

I've been in Nottingham or its surrounding areas for 19 years. It's getting old, I need new scenery, new buildings, new people. I just want to disappear and wake up as someone else, somewhere else. I want to tramp my perpetual journey.

I know this will remain a footnote in the back of my mind on the unimportant pages of the internet that won't be read. Nobody actually reads this blog anyway so I kind of feel like this is all for nothing.

Oh well. Farewell.