I want to get back into the routine of blogging, I don't really express my inner thoughts any more so I think it would be healthy to have a place a can do that, and on a regular basis.
This blog comes in three parts, the first part is money.
Never in my life has money been such an over ruling reoccurring theme. Everywhere I turn there seems to be someone asking for money. I have so much stuff to pay for and it makes me sad that I have to sacrifice so much just to get by, and i'm not even paying for food or accommodation. I'm going to be so screwed when it comes to the time where I have to pay for everything myself. I have to pay £45 for amecon, I have to pay £12 a week for travel, I have to save £278 for a holiday, £75 of which needs to be paid for really soon. It's really starting to get to me, the amount of money i'm having to borrow from my parents actually makes me not want to be alive. I hate asking for things and relying on people.
The second part of this blog will be Confetti.
Okay so I have been thinking about what i'm doing with my life at the moment and if it's actually what I want to be doing. Every other day I go into Confetti, sit there through lectures and seminars about editing and film theory and then go home and don't think about it. During lectures I watch the clock and wait to go home. My interest in media and video production is wavering. I can't seem to pull any ideas together for short films and frankly I don't care enough to do it. It's getting to the point where i'm taking into serious consideration what I want to do with my life and whether or not Confetti is just wasting my time on a passing childish hobby. The only reason I really stay there is because I think the people there are amazing.
and that leads us nicely onto part 3. Part 3 is about people.
Fuck I miss people.
It's all well and good when i'm in college and hanging out with the guys from Confetti but as soon as it hits 6 o'clock and we all head our separate ways, it hurts. The fact that for 7 months i've been trying to forge a relationship with these people that extends further than Confetti's front door. I don't understand what i'm doing wrong.
There are also other reasons why I want our friendships to lead further than college. I've met someone who I can be myself around, like 100% myself. I want, no, I need this person in my life. When i'm with them I just can't help but feel safe and confident. The way we can talk about anything and make stupid jokes together makes me not want the day to end. It may be a passing crush, it may just be because this is the only person from Confetti to actually reach out to me. But i've not felt this strongly head over heels about anyone before. But if the only time I ever see them is in college then I don't really see our relationship going past more than good friends. I don't know what it is about them that makes me feel so at ease. Their personalty is amazing, they're kind, they're funny, and they're incredibly considerate.
Anyway, enough about that, I need to get some sleep. Goodnight blogspot.
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